There it is.
Home of the former Mrs. Woodcock.
All right. I'm going in.
Nedderman, I need you to find more dirt on Woodcock, all right?
Think outside the box. See the challenge, focus on it...
visualize, attack it and then reuse it, OK?
- You got me? - L... I won't let you down, John. I promise.
- Thanks for the underwear. - Sorry if they're big.
Hey, see if she has a pool!
Or a koi pond!
A fish tank?
Nedderman.
Sally Jensen?
Who are you?
Um, I'm John Farley.
Can I get you something to drink?
I think I have a clean glass around here somewhere.
No, I'm good, thanks.
I love your book.
Turned my life around.
Must be my lucky day.
Hometown hero in the flesh right here in my own living room.
What do you want?
I'm doing research... for my next book.
If you don't mind my asking, why did you divorce?
Why do you think?
Infidelity.
Over and over again.
Should have broke it off years earlier, but...
But what?
- The sex was amazing. - Oh.
I'm telling you, that man knows how to use...
what the good Lord gave him.
Oh, right. Thanks for that.
Once, I actually blacked out.
Can you imagine blacking out from sheer pleasure?
Once I spoke Portuguese and I don't even know the language.
- OK, I think that's enough. - Ha ha ha.
Um, this has been very helpful...
and disturbing all at the same time.
Why? Do you know Jasper?
Actually I do. Uh, he was a teacher of mine, years ago.
And, uh, he's marrying my mom.
Saw him last week at the coffee shop with her.
A big-titted, blonde tramp.
Sorry. No offense.
She looks awfully young to be your mom.
- He's cheating on her. - What?
Yup. He cheated on his ex-wife. That's why they got divorced.
Now he's doing the same thing to my mom...
with some big-titted, blonde tramp.
So that's great. So... So we just gotta tell your mom now.
No, I can't just tell her.
She doesn't listen to me when it comes to Woodcock.
- We need proof. - No problem.
We've been working on some killer stuff on our end.
Good. Meet me at my place as soon as possible.
You wanted evidence, you got it.
It may not prove Woodcock's cheating...
but it does prove he's a huge dick.
What happened to his eye?
Look, don't worry about him. He's fine.
When she sees this, man, she'll come to her senses.
No, Mr. Woodcock. Please don't hurt me again.
Aah!
Ha ha ha. Well?
You threw a chair at your brother?
Weren't you watching?
It wasn't me that threw the chair at him...
it was Woodcock that threw the chair.
He said Woodcock. Woodcock threw that chair!
Honey? Hi, are you home?
Oh, look, that's so nice. You've got some friends over.
Hi, I'm John's mom.
Nedderman.
You remember him? We were in the same class.
What happened to your head?
Woodcock doesn't deserve her.
Farley's mom is hot. I mean, yes, she's old and shit...
but God, I just want to stick my face...
between those great old titties and go, "Brrrrrrr!
"Brrrrr! Brrrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrrr!"
Nedderman, turn it off.
...titties and go, "Brrrrrrr!"
Big old... big old titties...
Big old titties...
- Jasper. - Brrrrrrrrr!
Jasper!
I meant that in the most respectful way possible.
Run!
Mrs. Farley!
You people are sick, Farley.
- I barely know those guys, Mom. - OK...
Well... Let's just pretend that never happened.
Johnny, are you all right?
Jasper said that he thought you seemed upset today.
Oh! He did? Oh.
Sweetie, look, I know that it's not easy for you...
to have a new man in our house.
But we're getting married...
and he's gonna be part of our family.
All I want is for just you two to get along.
Is that asking too much?
Could you try?
For me?
OK.
- I love you, Mom. - Oh, sweetie. I love you too.
- Thank you. Oh! - Sorry.
Let's go to Cornival. Let's have a good time tonight.
Great. We'll have a great night. All of us.
# My loves have some stories... #
- Come on, tell me. - No, forget it.
No, I want to know!
- Look, I'm embarrassed, OK? - Oh!
John, you can't just start saying something and then stop.
- Come on. - Never mind, never mind.
John.
Oh, all right. Um...
I've had the biggest crush on you since the 7th grade.
Ha ha ha. And here we are!
Yeah, here we are.
The cornival.
- I'm glad you called. - Yeah, me too.
- Jasper! Let me do it. - Lift it up. Keep it up high.
Oh! Now you're cheating!
Aw. You have to admit, they're kind of cute together.
You're kidding?
No, your mom is beautiful.
And Woodcock's kinda sexy, you know.
- Mr. Woodcock? - Yeah.
I mean, just, I don't know, the way he... he carries himself.
- What? - There's just something about him.
It's like this bravado and... I don't know.
All the girls at school love him. I mean, he's hilarious.
One time he grabbed me by my...
He coxes them in the teachers' lounge.
He has this little game that we play with his whistle.
Actually, I've always kinda had a crush on Woodcock.
Wow! You... you wanna go?
Yeah, sure.
That's cool, right? You're not... you're not gonna eat that.
Hey, guys. How are you doing?
Oh, good. I'm done.
Um, why don't you two play a little bit, huh?
- I thought you wanted to win a panda. - Oh, it's all right.
- I'll win you a panda, Mom. - Oh!
- Sure you brought enough cash? - Jasper.
OK, so let's go get some cotton candy and let the boys play.
- Yeah. - Good luck.
Win me a puppy.
- OK, Woodcock. - Looks like we got a challenge.
- Let's play. - Good luck, young man.
There you go, sir. Here we go!
Ha! Harder than it looks!
Hey, nice shot!
Try again, kid.
We got a shooter, folks!
- Oh! - Nice one, Farley.
- Damn it! - Whoo!
That's a winner right there.
Looks like a panda to me, sir. Nice job.
All right, kid. Everybody's a winner. Ha ha ha!
I've seen better shooting at the special Olympics.
- Basketball's not really my game. - Really?
What is your game? Whac A Mole?
Stupid game!
I just wanna warn you, Farley. I'm a card-carrying member of the N.R.A.
You don't have a prayer.
Ready, gentlemen!
- We have a winner! - Don't be a sore loser.
I'm telling you, my gun was messed up.
It's never the gun, Farley, it's always the hunter.
"Corn-eating Corntest."
Oh, it's on.
You're going down, Woodcock.
You must like getting spanked, Farley.
- I guess it runs in the family. - Here you go, boys.
Begin!
Oh, I shoulda known that you'd be here.
You know, Johnny won this competition what, 6 times in a row?
- 7. 7. - When he was little. 7 times!
And against adults, too!
And here we go, corn-testants! And may the best...
Oh, they're getting ready to go so we'll just go over here.
- Remember, half cobs do not count. - Good luck!
See you, girls. That's funny, Farley.
I didn't know fat kids ate their vegetables.
Save it for the corn-test, old man.
- Ready for this? - Yes!
Are the corn-testants ready for this?
If you are ready, then get set...
There they go, ladies and gentlemen...
Iook at them gnaw on that corn!
Do you see those teeth?
Half a cob doesn't count.
Pretty good there, Farley?
Keep it going. Look there. Look at them go.
You want to pace yourself, Farley.
Just let go, Woodcock.
Great tension. Hey, hey, keep your hand off your neighbor's cob!
Penalty!
All right, here we go. Keep chewing that corn!
10 seconds left!
Coming down to the end now.
5, 4, 3...
2, 1!
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!
And that winner is, again...
- John Farley! - Whoo!
Ha ha ha! Yes! Whoo! You got beat, sweetheart!
Whoo! Whoo!
Whooooooo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-whoo-whoo! Ha ha ha!
Oh, yeah, baby! Whoo! Whooo-hoo-hoo!
I'm the big winner. I win!
I'm the big winner 'cause this is my house, bitch!
- Whoo-hoo! - John Michael Farley!
What has come over you?
Ugh!
It's OK, Farley. I know how to cheer her up.
Do me a favor. Snag my bears.
Well, John, you really... ate that corn.
Thanks.
- Hello? - Wake up!
I got something to show you.
Nedderman? What's going on?
And at 0800 hours...
a blonde chick rolled up in that car...
and went into Woodcock's house.
How long you been staking out his house?
17, 18 hours.
Hey... there she is!
- What? - Oh, that son of a bitch!
What kind of asshole would cheat on his wife...
before he's even married?
The same kind of asshole that would make a kid run laps...
until his nipples bleed.
Shit!
Now, then. We gotta go in there.
Oh, bro, staking out the guy's place is one thing...
but breaking and entering, that's another.
Nedderman, we need concrete proof.
John, I haven't shit my pants...
since the balance beam in the 7th grade.
L... l... I'd like to keep it that way.
And what about your book, chapter 14?
"Respect other people's boundaries."
Wait, do you have the book with you?
Yeah.
Oh, great.
Let me see this. See.
Forget the book! Just forget it!
I can't take this book anymore!
'Cause every 30 seconds you're in my ear, like, wah, wah, wah!
I can't do it, OK? I wrote it, I know what's in it!
It's crap! I'm done with it, OK?
What?
Hey... it's Tracy.
Hey, Tracy.
- How are you? - Fine. Um...
listen, John, about last night.
You seem like you're in a really weird place right now.
Really? No, I feel great.
I really do.
Well, maybe you should just call me...
when things are a little more... stable?
I think that'd be best.
Oh.
OK, um...
I respect your feelings and your decision. L...
I'm sorry you feel that way.
All right. Well, take care of yourself, OK?
Yep, you too.
Bye.
OK, this is the plan.
We're gonna break into Woodcock's place.
We're gonna plant your video camera...
then we're gonna catch him cheating on my mom...
and then we're gonna finish this effing fiasco...
once and for all, OK?
Right, Clark, give me the minicam. You're on lookout.
Anything happens, honk the horn, you understand me?
Nedderman! It's open.
What the...
- What are you doing? - Sor...
I'm sorry. Sorry.
- Jesus. - OK.
Hello, smoking gun.
Damn it, Clark!
Oh, shit!
Nedderman?
Nedderman!
Jasper, I'm still upset with you.
I know, honey, but you know how I get...
- when I don't have you to myself. - Aah.
- I just need some... alone time. - What about me?
Well, honey, it wouldn't be alone time without you.
- You know what I mean! - Ha ha ha!
Jasper, you charmer. Oh!
Mmmmmm!
Oh, honey. Oh, darling.
Bad boy!
- Feel good, baby? - Yes! Yes!
Rhetorical question, Beverly!
- Oh, God! Oh, God! - Oh, yeah!
- Feel the love! - I don't want to black out again.
The finish line's in sight, honey.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yes!
That was way better than anything on the internet.
Excuse me, may I have your attention?
Uh, if everyone would, uh... would grab a seat...
and I get the honorees up on stage...
we can get started.
For the past 26 years, Jasper Woodcock's name...
has been synonymous with the words "physical education".
Now, before we get to the presentation...
let's hear from some of the people...
whose lives have been touched by this great man.
Honey, where were you?
I thought you were gonna ride with us. I was worried.
Sorry, Mom. L... I needed some alone time.
Oh.
My name is Zoe. And last summer, my cat Raisins ran away.
That man found her. Her collar was caught on a fence.
She was dead from stran... gulation.
But she's in heaven now.
Thank you for finding Raisins, Mr. Woodcock.
You're kidding me.
When I was in his class...
Mr. Woodcock found a brick of marijuana in my locker.
He could have sent me to the principal, but no.
He called the cops.
And instead of going to detention I did 6 years in juvi.
Where I found my lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ!
And I have been mostly drug-free ever since.
Thank you, Mr. Woodcock.
"Mr. Woodcock is one of the best teachers.
"He taught me how to play hard and never give up.
"Because of him, I got a scholarship to play football.
"In college."
Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Woodcock.
What the fuck?
Woodcock never talks down to us.
He treats us just like everyone else.
I named my kid after Woodcock.
Woodcock taught me how to be a man.
Woodcock taught me CPR.
- Woodcock saved my life. - Bullshit!
- Woodcock... - Woodcock...
Woodcock...
- Woodcock. - Woodcock.
Jasper Woodcock.
Educator of the Year.
Go, Jasper!
Thanks a lot. Uh...
appreciate it.
Ha ha ha.
That's, uh... that's good stuff, Jasper. Thank you.
Unbelievable!
We have one more award to give out.
The Corn Cob Key.
Given to those who go off into the world...
and make Forest Meadow proud.
Right.
Ladies and gentlemen, John Farley!
Ha ha ha.
Are you guys out of your minds?
Ha ha ha.
Seriously. Am I the only one...
that thinks that Woodcock's like...
the biggest asshole on the planet?
I mean, for 26 years...
this guy's been pelting children with basketballs...
at point-blank range.
And now you're giving him an award for it?
- He should be in jail! - Johnny. Johnny.
I mean, is there any question that he strangled this girl's cat?
What... what was her name, Raisins? Yeah, you know what?
Go home, dig up Raisins, perform an autopsy on him...
you'll find out it wasn't an accident.
Dogs don't strangle cats. Sadistic gym teachers do.
OK.
Somebody put something in the punch again this year!
Wait, wait. No, no, I'm serious!
Look, he hates children.
He killed one of my classmates.
Yeah, after years of his abuse...
Trevor Oates took his own life...
and he died because of Woodcock.
No, I didn't.
- Oates, I thought you were dead. - No.
I had minor surgery a few years back.
You know, to help with my wheezing.
Whatever. Oates is alive. Whoop-di-doo! Who gives a shit?
- Johnny. - I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I know you hate to hear that.
He's not what you think.
You're brainwashed, people!
Oh, just ask his ex-wife right there, Sally Jensen.
Tell them about all the man whoring...
he did behind your back when you were married.
Well, I think most of you know I cheated on him.
I'm... I'm sorry. What? You cheated on him?
A lot. I couldn't help it. I was a sex addict.
Am.
Uh, was.
Am. Ha ha ha.
Yeah.
All right, let's go.
That's enough. That's enough of that!
- He's cheating on my mom! - Johnny, sit down right now.
- That's enough, Farley. - I'm sorry, Mom.
You've been sneaking behind my mom's back...
with that blonde whore...
right there, haven't you?
That's my realtor, you moron.
I was trying to surprise your mother with a new house.
Well, how come I found her panties in your bedroom?
Those are your mother's, Farley.
Mom?
Yeah. OK, Farley, you and me, out in the hallway right now.
Now!
- Uhh! - You disrespectful little shit!
I'm gonna give you a good old-fashioned Nebraska ass-whipping...
till you shit yourself.
Bring it, bro!
I don't know what I'm gonna enjoy more tonight...
kicking your ass or nailing your mother.
- Oh! - Let go of my son, Jasper.
- Uh, Bev... - Let go of my son.
- Bev, l... - You two are unbelievable.
You won't be civil even though it hurts and humiliates me.
Mom!
Mom, are you OK?
Go away, John. Leave me alone.
Maggie?
I have been carting around your damn luggage since Denver!
Thanks to you blowing off the most powerful woman in America...
Walden Books has canceled the rest of your appearances.
- I don't believe this. - I know.
If only someone had warned you!
- So it's over. - No, not exactly.
When you hear about this, you're gonna want to take me...
right here in your mommy's house.
But first I have to pee. Where's the bathroom?
You have indoor plumbing in here, right?
It's not like you deserve the extra effort...
but since my reputation's on the line, I called in a favor.
You're gonna do a remote interview...
on The Tyra Banks Show!
Tomorrow, 9am, the diva of daytime talk...
is gonna talk to you live...
right from this dingy little shithole you call home.
Fine, good, whatever you need.
What I need is for you to focus...
get it together, and point me to the nearest liquor store.
OK?
OK, Tyra Banks, very nice.
But if you do not know your shit she will gut you like a fish.
Oh, my Lord.
You look very beautiful, Mrs. Farley.
Thank you.
She does know what decade it is, right?
Mom, what are you doing?
- I'm going to Cornival. - Ha ha ha.
I'm sorry, you hicks just crack me up.
Are you sure? I mean...
After last night, you know...
I have certain obligations. I'm still the Corn Cob Queen.
- Ha ha ha. - But you'll be by yourself.
John, I have been alone on that float for 20 years.
I think I can handle it.
Mom, I'm so sorry about last night.
I... just totally lost my head.
Do you remember Mr. Spanger?
He was the first man that I tried to date...
after your father died. I think you were 6.
And you ran away from the baby-sitter...
and we spent the entire night trying to find you.
Yeah, I was under the sink.
Well, every time a man asked me out, you either got sick...
or you threw a tantrum...
or you egged the car, or you did something until I just gave up.
Did you ever think of how I felt...
on my own all these years?
Uh, I guess...
I thought you... had me.
Oh.
All right, Mr. Farley. 20 seconds.
Hey, game face. Let's put the hillbilly drama on hold.
America is waiting. You look great.
- This is gonna be fun. - 15 seconds.
- I can't do this. - OK, I understand.
- That's fine. - Really?
Of course not!
Now sit your ass down and get in front of the camera.
Quiet on set.
- All right, people, we're on the air in 3, 2... - Smile.
When I read my next guest's book...
I knew I had to have him on The Tyra Show.
He's the best-selling author of Letting Go...
How To Get Past Your Past.
Please welcome, via satellite from Forest Meadow, Nebraska...
John Farley!
Hey, John, how you doing?
I feel great.
Well, good. You should.
I mean, your book is inspiring...
so many people across this country.
Who's been your biggest inspiration?
- Uh, my mom. - Aah.
See, my mom is my biggest inspiration too.
I mean, I would not be where I am today were it not...
Johnny, do you ever think of...
what it was like for me to be on my own all those years?
I mean, come on, you guys, give it up for mommas everywhere!
Whoo!
I'm... I'm sorry. I gotta go.
- John? - You go back in there!
- No, I won't! - Go in there and sell that goddamn book!
No, I won't! My mom needs me!
I don't give a shit!
You're gonna go in there and say something...
or I'm gonna shove my arm up your ass...
and work you like a puppet!
Let go of me!
Fine! Run, you pussy!
- Go back to your mommy! - What a bitch!
See if I care!
Quiet, please!
I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!
Ha ha ha. OK, John, take care. He's helping people.
- You back for more? - Look.
I screwed up, OK?
Big time.
I shouldn't have meddled. L...
I'm... sorry.
Are you wearing make-up?
The truth is...
I did it because I wanted my mom to be happy.
And as it turns out, the thing that makes my mom happy...
unbelievably...
is you.
It's too late.
She's made her mind up, Farley.
What? My mom's the best thing that's ever happened to you.
One day you'll date girls and you'll understand.
Once a woman makes her mind up...
there's no changing it.
Oh, I get it. You're scared.
Your last marriage fell apart because she was cheating on you.
Again and again and again.
The woman's a deviant, Farley. Who cares?
So you're scared of getting hurt again?
Hey, spare me the self-help crap, OK?
You're not a guru. You're a spoiled little kid...
who can't seem to let go of his momma's right tit.
Oh, yeah?
Well, you're just a pussy with a whistle!
Really?
You cocky little shit.
Do you actually think you're tougher than me?
Oh. Any time, any place.
Get the rentals, Farley.
Seems like old times, doesn't it?
Yeah, well, a new day has come.
Ooh!
That was called a takedown, Farley.
OK. So that's how it's gonna be, huh?
Ah!
Yep, now I'm gonna bring it, Woodcock.
You never shut up, do you?
Why don't you make me?
Time to earn your wings, Farley.
It's called a suplex, Farley.
It's one of my favorites.
Here's another one of my favorites.
The Vietcong shuffle.
The reverse Vietcong shuffle!
Here comes the thunder, Woodcock!
Ooh!
Heads up, Farley.
- Say uncle! - Pussy!
- Say it! - Pussy!
Ow!
Russian headlock!
The gym teacher body slam!
Are you OK?
Rhetorical question, Woodcock!
You remember me now, don't you?
- Bitch! - Uh! Uh!
Mr. Woodcock?
Oh, shit.
Got a white male, 50s, possible concussion.
What are those? Bite marks?
Uh...
Come on, Scooter. Get that mask off of me.
Oh, thank God. I thought I'd killed you.
You couldn't kill me with a shotgun and a head start, Farley.
Said by the man flat on his back in an ambulance.
Yeah, well, it's about time you showed some backbone.
Is that a compliment?
Farley, I'm just saying...
that you showed some sack out there today, OK?
Wow.
Maybe there is a human being hiding in there somewhere.
I mean, seriously, why can't you be nice to people?
Lt... it's not healthy being such a dick all the time.
You're gonna end up like your dad...
just angry and bitter and alone.
If that's what you want, then fine, but I don't think it is.
Now, right now, my mom is on that float all by herself...
really wishing that you were up there with her.
The problem is...
I don't think you got the backbone to win her back.
Oh, really?
Watch out!
Come on, Farley! Step up the pace!
I could if you weren't such a fat ass!
Watch out! Excuse me!
- Keppen! You're off tempo! - Aah!
- Watch out! - You're flat, Mount-Gardner.
- Excuse us! Hey! - Oh!
Excuse us!
Come on, Farley!
- Mom! Mom! - Beverly! Beverly!
Oh, my God, what happened?
Jasper, why are you on that gurney?
I don't know, honey, but I'm here to say that...
I'm basically sorry.
Basically sorry?
Mom, for an emotional cripple like Woodcock...
that's a huge step.
Listen, I'm the one who should be apologizing, OK?
This is all my fault.
Just give it another shot.
'Cause my lungs are about to explode.
Please, honey.
- Oh! - Oh, my God!
Stop! Stop!
Mr. Woodcock!
You OK?
Nice work, Farley.
There's one pothole in this town and you managed to find it.
Jasper! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, Jasper.
Jasper.
Are you OK?
I'm sorry, Mom.
I thought I was doing the right thing.
By killing him?
I called 911, didn't I?
Ha ha ha. Yes.
For what it's worth, I want you to be with Jasper.
- I don't believe you. - I do. L...
If it means anything at all...
you have my blessing.
You can see Mr. Woodcock now.
Listen, uh...
I just want to say I'm... I'm sorry...
About the "nailing your mother" comment there.
That's it?
What do you mean?
I thought you would apologize for...
Mom, Mom.
I know this is gonna be hard for you to believe, coming from me.
But Jasper is a good person.
You see, somewhere around the time Jasper was choking me...
- Yeah, with your own foot. - Right.
I had a revelation.
You don't get past your past.
You embrace it.
And I'm not that fat little loser anymore...
and that's because he pushed me.
And, in a really weird way...
he's a big part of who I am today.
For Christ's sakes, it was just a P.E. Class, you fruitcake.
- Jasper! - Well, it was.
See?
Set of ten, Farley.
- What? - Just joking.
# I see a bad moon rising #
# I see trouble on the way #
# I see earthquakes and lightning #
Merry Christmas, Woodcock.
Merry Christmas, Farley.
I read your book.
Really? What did you think?
Well, that part about, uh, treating others...
how you want to be treated, I guess that's all right.
Yeah, I sort of stole that from the Bible, but...
I'll take credit for it.
The rest of it's pretty much crap.
What the hell, man? That's my book!
It's my book, Farley.
You gave it to me. I can do with it as I please.
# I hear the voice of rage and ruin #
# Don't go around tonight #
# Well, it's bound to take your life #
Oh, hey. Look, your new book.
- Congrats, John. - Let me see.
- Congratulations. - Oh, my gosh. Look at that.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, it's really, really good, John.
Wow, you read it?
Don't make me lie on Christmas.
Well, as long as we're congratulating people...
Beverly and I have a little announcement.
Recently, uh, one of my swimmers took hold...
Mm!
And, uh, your mother's got a little Woodcock in her.
What?
You're gonna be a big brother, Farley.
Just joking.
# It could be ten but then again #
# I can't remember half an hour since a quarter to four #
# Throw on your clothes, the second side of Surfer Rosa #
# And you leave me with my jaw on the floor #
# Hey! #
# Oh, just when you think you're in control #
# Just when you think you've got a hold #
# Just when you got on a roll #
# Oh, here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again #
# Oh, here it goes again #
# I shoulda known, shoulda known, shoulda known again #
# Oh, here it goes again #
# Oh, oh, here it goes again #
# It starts out easy, something simple, something sleazy #
# Something inching past the edge of reserve #
# Now through the lines of cheap Venetian blinds #
# Your car is pulling off of the curb #
# Hey! #
# Oh, just when you think you're in control #
# Just when you think you've got a hold #
# Just when you've got on a roll #
# Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again #
# Oh, here it goes again #
# I shoulda known, shoulda known, shoulda known again #
# But here it goes again #
# Oh, here it goes, oh, here it goes #
# Oh, here it goes again #
# Oh! Oh, here it goes again #